Apologies...

I hurt someone today... someone that means the world to me and is my only reason to keep on everyday and i have no other way to apologize to him besides the obvious sorry's i already told him, not only did i realize i need emotional help(first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem) i also realized it hurts more to hurt the boy i love than hurting myself.

I never talk to anyone about what goes on inside my head most of the times and honestly i dont think anyone wants to know because the first look they get inside my thoughts they'll most likely burst out crying. My biggest problem is my pride and to get over that takes a lot of shit... i make mistakes nd keep them to myself obviously, i know too many things and hold on to them for too many time..i try to run away but my body wont let me, sometimes i try to cry but i cant... my head is a mess most of the time and half of the time when you think im listening maybe im not...I dont mean to hurt you, i never want to hurt you... and if there is a possible way to make you happy nd apologize for all the times i broke down nd brought you down with me that has to be taking care of myself something i'll learn to do over the time im in recovery. I tried so hard to make everyone else smile that i forgot how to smile and i know how bad that hurts you... there is life in me and deep deep down im still your Nessie,happy with a bubbly personality, i just need to find myself again... and there are "bruises" i cant ever erase and im sorry that you have to see it and if I havent yet apologized 50 times i should do it now, im sure at least 20 i already did...

Dean,This One Is For You, Thanks For Never Giving Up On Me...